Classified Classics is where you'll find boats listed for sale that I think are either bargains or beaters. I like to find hidden gems, worthwhile projects or good deals. I also like to call out rip-offs, so beware. The classified section can be both entertaining and informative.

December 13, 2021

By most accounts, this is a good hull, fast, well built and the boat still looks good. At this age, there is no telling how many things wrong with it there could be. This is very tempting to do as a project. With the prices of good used boats, I’m not surprised people are looking for projects. But, let’s break that down. If you can find a good turnkey used boat for around $40k to $60k, and you can even finance part of it. You could be on the water and be paying reasonable monthly payments.

Now you get this project and let’s say you’re not a great fiberglass guy, mechanic or fabricator. This boat needs everything and when I say everything, I mean everything! You’ll need a good engine, drive, rigging, wiring, mechanicals etc. Even if you source some good used stuff, we’re talking $25k to $50k conservatively, depending on what level and what power. Now factor in some labor to install and prep the hull for this. Of course, the hull is another question. Let’s make sure the transom and floor are good and if not, budget another $8k to $10k for structural work. If you can find someone. Now let’s wet sand and polish the boat to make it presentable. Anyone can do that. But your time is still money. Maybe wrap it if it’s really faded, $5k?

If you’re lucky the seats are good or salvageable. But let’s finish it off with some decent gauges, navigation screen and new carpet or flooring. We could be talking about another $5k easily. You could be into this boat for $60-$90k no problem. You probably need a trailer now too. Now get financing for a project like that. The $50k used boat looks better and better. Now factor in the year of your life you agonized over the restoration, even if you outsourced 80% of it, you either spent more money or more time no matter how you work it. Hidden costs of projects are rarely accounted for and often significant. This phantom will suck your bank account and time dry in no time, quite literally the “phantom” cost is large on projects like this.

I love projects but always break it down realistically, add it up and take your time into consideration. That overpriced turnkey boat will look pretty good, I promise you.

I actually really like these 22 Scarabs. They made quite a few, so there are good deals on them. They run pretty good with modest power, nice clean looking boat. I think the graphics were all vinyl decals so you can easily update the look. I’d be leery of any boat left in the water. I’d be leery of anything from New Jersey, including people.

When I first saw this ad, I thought wow, this could be the next Wave to Wave project. A storied brand, small sport boat, rare and even more rare as a sterndrive. The old Apache even looks like it’s in one piece. I love the reference to the fake name of the character in the horrendous Travolta movie about Don Aronow. I thought about it for a while and really contemplated the reality of it. Driving all the way to get it, imaging all the rotten stuff, weird painted hull covering a nightmare. Another deck off restoration. Then, I did something I rarely do to help make the decision. I placed my hand on a work bench and took out a heavy roofing hammer and started smashing my hand, counting the strikes until I couldn’t take it anymore. Seven is usually the magic number. Trust me, the first strike is harder than the last one but it feels so good when you stop. With my hand in brutal agony, I compared that feeling to restoring this boat and after 72 hours, with my hand feeling better but still pretty bad I realized it wasn’t worth it. The hammer test is not for everyone but can save you a great deal of pain in the future.

Even if you don’t like fishing, this boat is so cool. There are some boats you just want to go for a ride because they are so fun, I have a feeling this is one of those boats. If I was Pathfinder, I would be making about 10 of these a year just for marketing. A 60R would also be perfect for this. When I was young there seemed to be plenty of cool boats in the 15’ to 17’ range but now I can only think of 1. This thing is amazing.

September 22, 2021

I love vintage boats and who doesn’t love the vintage Glastrons. The CVX line of sport boats resonated with boaters in the seventies and eighties and still does. Beautiful design, great performance and they were affordable. This one looks truly amazing with the matching livery on the old Johnson, period correct. They say in life you regret the things you don’t do, the chance you didn’t take, the opportunity you turned down. I bet, when you’re on your death bed waiting to die, thinking about your life, I could show you a picture of this boat and make you cry.

There’s a lot of talk these days about how the rich don’t pay taxes and income inequality is tearing us apart, as rich people buy Bentley’s and yachts in record numbers. But some people don’t realize that you don’t have to be rich to live a rich life. The seventies was a golden era for boats and you can pick up this gorgeous Bayliner for less than the price of one night at a fancy hotel. You’ll realize very quickly that money is an illusion and it’s the lifestyle people really dream about. This boat is a lifestyle and you could pay for it by robbing one liquor store. Don’t make excuses, go live your rich life, it’s right here in this golden Bayliner.

Again, continuing the vintage theme, you can be on the water in a stunning vessel like this Duracraft, which has way more class than most new boats these days. I guarantee the family at the ramp in the new Cobalt and the Range Rover are miserable and their kids will end up being criminal investment bankers if they aren’t in rehab before they turn 19. Don’t you hate those people. I love this Duracraft.

Speaking of class, I always liked an old Formula for no other reason than that they were great quality and seemed to last forever. The price seems high but if the work was done, you have a timeless classic Formula. I really miss these old sterndrive sport boats. All we see now is copy cat center consoles that all look the same. Mainstream boat design is at a low point.

Don’t get me wrong, I like some of the older Fountains but this one is everything I dislike about Fountain owners. “Spare Change” Who puts that on the side of their boat? A Fountain owner. “Cleanest boat you’ll ever see.” Sure buddy. “Partial trade for Corvette Convertible.” This person is checking all the boxes. Any bets on how many times they’ve been charged with fraud or tax evasion?

Another CVX, all of them are pretty cool. My favorite is the 16 but the 18 was also pretty cool as a jet or sterndrive. I have a feeling there will be a resurgence in vintage fiberglass boats in a similar way how vintage cars are all the rage. I think Glastron still makes boats. Can you imagine taking a car made in 1980 and comparing it to one made today in the same category. The obvious technological improvements are pretty remarkable. Not with boats. Any CVX is better than any new Glastron on the market in every way. That’s how fucked up the marine industry is.

I love these ads, “great boat. Runs perfectly, everything works. Trade? I love the question mark, as if would you trade anything for this piece of shit before I take it to the dump. Honestly, Bayliner boats from this era, the Cobra, has better design than any of the new ones.

Love the Actions. Great colors, looks clean. Might be a bit pricey but hard to go wrong with a nice Action. You won’t have more fun on the water.

A 31 Sonic outboard conversion. This thing has moved more coke than your local McDonald’s. Seriously, what else is anyone doing with this thing.

What a beautiful classic runabout. These early Sea Ray’s put the brand on the map, very classy, not the generic junk they are pushing now. This was when America was a leader in building things, making cars, furniture, boats and TV shows about cops. Now everything looks the same and is super boring. Everything is made by companies run by people with MBAs and law degrees with zero creativity; squeezing every dollar out of the company and keeping it for themselves. Buy this boat and know you got to experience a special time in America. Don’t finance a new one and become just another cog on the wheel, a number on a spreadsheet. Get an old boat and be somebody.

April 6, 2021

There is something I love about an old luxury yacht in the same way I love an old Rolls Royce or an old washed up celebrity. When they were in their prime you probably didn’t have a chance at getting one, just too out of reach. But, like most things in life, there is a natural decay in value. Just look at a Rolls from the eighties or Pam Anderson, everything breaks down and goes down in value eventually. At some point, you or I became a better catch than said celebrity, once they pass a certain threshold on their way down. Just like this boat, when it was new there was no way if you were young you were going to buy it. Where would you even put it? Fuel? forget about it.

But now you could not only feasibly buy it with a reasonable loan, you could actually live on it and make it your primary residence. Park it anywhere you like, join a yacht club, shower at the local gym and live a “celebrity” lifestyle from your boat. I think if you look at it like an investment and a primary residence it changes the entire conversation. Now, at the yacht club when you talk about your boat, people are impressed, investment opportunities abound, new friends are made. You can wear V neck sweaters and start playing tennis. You could really change your complete life trajectory just by making the simple decision to buy this yacht. If your first thought was, this thing is so impractical and cumbersome to own, you’re just looking at life wrong. You should say, look at the opportunities I could create for myself if I had this boat, imagine how much more interesting I would become, the ocean is the limit here. It’s time to start thinking big.

I don’t know anything about these other than they had a reversed strake in the hull they called the Z plane hull.

I really like these. If you’re looking for a capable family boat with lots of room and you’re not too worried about fuel burn, this is a great boat. There is nothing on the market like this anymore. I feel like mid sized stern drive boats like this are the best value on the water right now.

I bet you could turn this into a business by just giving people hovercraft rides for $20 a pop. Strong buy here.

Sometimes Bayliner gets a bad rap and for good reason, they are pieces of shit. But, you have to hand it to them they really tried some wild designs in the past. The Bayliner Cobra was one of the first center console bass boats, and the overall design certainly was futuristic. This little 14 footer is interesting because it harkens back to a time when it was popular to have small boats that were fun and affordable. Not sure about that price though.

This thing is ugly and I love it. If I needed a utility boat this would be it. I love the windshield moved way up, huge cockpit and a big outboard. Beautiful.

March 1, 2021

I do appreciate the honesty that even the title says it’s a project. Anything made or born in the seventies is basically a project, including people. That decade was a low point for quality and most of that generation was raised by burned out hippies. Let’s get real though, do you really want this project? A better project would be to try and turn a grown Grizzly Bear into a domestic animal.

This seems way over priced to me. These are not great boats. It would be as if Ford never upgraded the design of the Mustang for 60 years and it just sold it with old tech, old design and expected it to be fine. It’s a classic though.

I absolutely love this thing. You could fish off it, cruise, live on it, raise a family on it. Everyone says their boat does everything but this one really does. I’d buy this sight unseen just because of how awesome it is.

Tough sell here. Nobody really wants sterndrives as much anymore and these weren’t the best. There are more iconic boats of this time period that are at big discounts. People want to go fast, they want to go fishing or they want to get drunk at the sandbar. Pick one.

These Sonics are really cool, love the design. Imagine paying $55k for a clapped out old Donzi 22 Classic when you could’ve bought this for less money. Makes no sense. The used boat market makes no sense. Somebody should start making fun of these ads.

February 1, 2021

This guy claims it is a project and he is not kidding. The only thing inside the boat was a Shop Vac and a dead cat. How do you price something that in most cases you have to pay to have taken away or pay to drop off at the dump. I’m not saying a Scarab Sprint isn’t a cool boat but you really have to know some projects are better left off dead. There is a better chance of doing CPR on the cat and bringing it back to life. The Shop Vac is worth more.

An absolute classic Hydrostream. Maybe not the prettiest model but this hull inspired many other boats. Often replicated but never duplicated, (I think that’s how the saying goes). This looks like a decent package with a good trailer. A solid Hydrostream can be a great boat and with an upgraded 150, it’s a great combo. Love the color too. If I’d change anything, I’d find a 1985 150, maybe even just the cowl, just to match it and go with the classic look.

This should be an easy sell to your wife as a project that will be in the yard for ten years until your wife hires someone to put a bullet in your head. Murder for hire is a thriving industry in Florida. Honestly, I’d be more comfortable if the trailer was backed over my legs and I was trapped under it while wolves started ripping me to pieces while I was still conscious. Can you think of a worse nightmare?

I honestly didn’t think they made a Persuader this big, I thought it was called a Convincor. Either way, this looks very mint. Checkmates can be really good buys, very economical, pretty fast and they look decent. Some are ugly, I don’t think this is a great looking boat but compared to some new boats in this size it looks like Vincent Van Goh designed it.

 This is one of those ads where if you’re drunk enough you think it makes tons of sense. You even start pricing out parts, crunching numbers, list stuff you have for sale to raise some funds. Then, the alcohol wears off and it dawns on you that you aren’t an engineer with unlimited time, funds and skill. You can barely assemble a fucking barbeque, your current boat doesn’t even run and you have nowhere to put it. That’s why alcohol is so amazing, you actually thought you could pull this project off. You can’t and shouldn’t try. Always remember Murphy’s Law.

I feel like I’m looking a surveillance picture of a crime scene. This is a crime scene.